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... i i dunno what else to sae... has been a pretty wild ride... smtimes exciting.. but almost tragic... perhaps we're realli not meant to be.. i dunno... right now, i feel like i'm living in disillusion... makin believe tt he still loves mi... hopin tt there's still a chance... but after talkin to so many ppl.. n their advice to mi... i realise tt its realli my decision to make.. to wait or not to wait. to hold on or to let go. to believe in him or give up on this hope. i'm confused. i'm hurt. but my heart has forgived. i have no hate in mi. no hate at all. perhaps i m truly a fucking bitch. i guess i've neva realli thought abt tt until it was mentioned to mi. twice. darryl said to mi todae, " You can love anybody, realli, anybody. but will u be happy loving him?" "Ask yourself if you realli love him or simply extremely fond of him." "If you love him, it means you can do anything n everything for him at the expense of your own happiness."
then, i do love him.
but wats the use of knowing that i love him but have no courage to do anything? i want to look for him, but am afraid of wat will happen. i want to hug him, but am afraid he'll be cold. i want to tell him i love him, but am afraid he will say he's not...
these few daes has been hard.. real hard... i cannot break down. not wen i do not have him to hold mi. i cannot break down. i cannot break down. so much has been lost. i have lost so much. i will wait. but how long. how long r u going to make mi wait. maybe by my birthdae i will let go if u do not come back. i will wait. till den. i should start livin for myself like you r now.
